I don’t think we’ ll ever witness the first snowfall of the year together or that I’ll run back to you the way I did when I first left. Somehow, I think I knew this when I decided to pursue other things more than you. I knew time would change me somehow. Without you, I could learn to see my own value without having to measure myself with the standards you set for yourself. I knew they were superficial, and that sooner or later you’d realize this but I couldn’t wait around for that to happen. It wasn’t to say that I was unhappy with you – on the contrary, I was at my happiest. But somewhere inside me I felt a creeping insecurity. I never doubted that you loved me – that kind of unconditional love one finds only in the strengthened bond of friendship. But was there ever a tinge of something more? I had been happy living in that question – it didn’t matter when we were together. But every time I looked back I would wonder- had I been born a different race, would you pursue this, us?
Maybe I’m blaming race.
That’s the kind of questions one struggles with when one is born a darker shade.